Paper based thinking

Let me bring everyone up to speed, flashback summer 2004, so there's this backpack wearing rat looking man dressed in a wrinkled suit from men's warehouse claiming that he's the professor for a class based in manhattan. I laugh without hesitation, oh shit, this guy is serious. Fast forward to April 2007, our paths meet again, only this time, instead of a grade for a class on the line, its my graduation from college on the line. "Miiiiister Doyle" he says after he looks up eagerly following about 30 knocks on his open office door. "Professor, how goes it, still..." and before I can finish he's spinning in circles in his chair with a cheap plastic red pen curiously placed above his mouth. Oh i get it, its supposed to be a mustache, funny. And its at this moment that the clouds parted, this guy is gonna be retarded for as long as he can. "So have you had a chance to read my paper? I'm graduating in June and it'd be a big help if you could post my grade so I can finish up", I inquire. "Paper, paper, doyle, nope sorry don't have it" he gleemingly replies. "Yeah you wouldn't have a paper copy of it, i emailed it to you, timestamp and all." I educate. "Huh, well, nope." Literally, thirty seconds of silence. I have to stare at him in disbelief until the mouse on the wheel gets back from lunch. "Probably should have said something to you seeing as its been a month since the due date." I nod, its tough knowing that while this man may physically look like he's been alive for the past 50 years, mentally, he's a caveman waking up from an million year ice nap. I could blame the hiring process of the university, but me and the rainbow coalition aren't seeing eye to eye these days. C'est la vie.